the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
