I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
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you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
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Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.