Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment