Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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