With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
