remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
