You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
