I heard we made out
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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