i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
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Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You made out with two different species that night
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
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I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
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