Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
