Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
