I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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