sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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