Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
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