Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
