What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
