Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
