Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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