so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
