My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
