mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
