I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
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Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I wear drunk well.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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