so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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