so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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