she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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