Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
