I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
