Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
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i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
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Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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