Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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