textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
