He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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