this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
