How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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