OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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