i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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