Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
