Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
