Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
