how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
