I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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