i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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