There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
