I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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