I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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