God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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