tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize