Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
