So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
