He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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