We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
