Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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