My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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