i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
