I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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