pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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