Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
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