I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
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So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
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Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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