i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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