So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
