do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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