idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
