I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
